Update: 4/20

So, it’s been another several months since I last updated. I’m not very good at blogging, but I’m trying to get better!


I have broken up with my boyfriend since my last post. It’s kind of a long story, but long story short, he displays a complete lack of respect or care for anyone but himself, and is rather frightening in his lack of individuality. He tends to copy people, and I’ve noticed he copies me quite a lot. I understand it’s likely primarily due to identity impermanence from BPD, but I don’t think that’s an excuse. So, breaking up with him meant that I have moved my things to the living room, and I live there now! It’s pretty comfortable, and I have a nice window where the cats can rest and look out onto the street below.


I have new hearing aids, as well! They’ll get here around mid-May, and I’ll have them programmed then, and then I’ll have pictures. For now, they are silver Oticon Chili SP9, so they’re not the most recent, but they’re top of the line for the model. I’ve found that I prefer Oticon’s sound to Phonak’s, because Phonak sounds a bit noisy and hazy. The only thing I dislike about Oticon is that the sound is very, very crisp. I’m hoping that having these programmed in the office will make it easier to find what I like and don’t like, so adjustments can be made right there with no issue. I already have new earmolds, and my tubing is bright purple, too! I can’t wait to get them. Here is what my current hearing aids look like right now:




They’re pretty cute! But, my new ones will be larger, and will help me hear much better. The earmolds are new- orange/purple/light green silicone with a shiny finish, full shell, with a large vent. To be honest, the fact that my right tubing is longer than the left bothers me greatly! I know it has to be that way, because that’s simply how my ears are, but it’s bothersome! OCD problems, weh. The earmolds are great, though- my last silicone ones were from Sam’s Club, and they started to cause pressure sores.


Health-wise, I have been rather…eh. I have been dealing with severe ear pain and pressure for a long time now, and I thought it was an ear infection, but it turns out that it is eustachian tube dysfunction. I have a bunch of fluid behind my ear drums, and it’s causing pressure and pain! I was prescribed Prednisone and a decongestant to see if it would help, but it did nothing but make me feel sickly, so instead, I have an appointment to see an ENT in mid-May. The next step is probably going to be ear tubes to relieve the pressure and let the fluid drain. The doctor I saw for it was wonderful, though. She is patient and kind, and does not find me to be a problem- just a complex case!


Aside from the eustachian tube stuff, I’m dealing with mysterious head pain on the left side, so we’re looking into that more. I’ve had an MRI, which came back clean, so the next step is a neurologist. I’ve also been severely fatigued, moreso than usual. It makes it difficult to stand for more than a few moments. I only feel semi-decent so long as I’m lying down. It’s been going on for a while.


Other than all that, there isn’t much to report! I’ll try and get a video update out soon. I just have to wait until I have the house to myself!