So, I haven’t updated in about a million years lol.


I’ve been pretty down and depressed lately, unfortunately, but I’m actually doing okay in life right now. I have a bit of extra money right now because SSDI paid mean extra $200, now that the state of Iowa is paying for my Medicare premium, and I’m employed at Walgreens now, so now that I have a steady paycheck, I’m doing pretty darn good financially right now.


Something I’ve been dealing with that has been a huge pain is not having clothes that fit. Over the last couple years, I’ve gained a huge amount of weight. Well, not huge, I guess, but I did gain weight. Before I started testosterone, I weighed about 90 lbs, and a few years on it I went up to about 115 or 120. Then I went up to 130. Eventually, I went up to about 150. And now, I’m hovering around 170-180. I’m only 5’2″, so I used to be quite small, and my weight now makes me pretty unhappy.


Like, I see myself in the mirror, and I kind of have a very slight double chin. As well, my face is quite a lot fuller, and I have a belly and my chest has increased in size quite a bit. Unfortunately, a common side effect of psych medications is weight gain, and that’s where mine is coming from.


A while ago, I was put on Tegretol for seizures and mood, and it worked for a while, but it also made me gain about 20 lbs. It no longer works, so I stopped taking it, and I can see already that I’ve lost a bit of weight in just 2 weeks. I know it’ll take time to lose more weight, but I’m working on it as much as I can. I’m trying to eat less pizza (more on that later), and I’m trying to snack less in bed before I fall asleep, because for some reason, I crave snacks while I’m in bed, like half asleep? Idk, I find myself getting sleepy, and then it’s like, “Hey. You should eat those chips. They’re salty and crunchy….” So I eat the chips lol.


So, I’ve amassed a decent wardrobe. I have several skirts I like, tights, nice jeans, a nice pair of pants, a couple hoodies, lots of t-shirts- however, since I’ve gained so much weight, almost none of my clothes have been fitting. They’re too small now. With the extra bit of money I have this month, I went ahead and bought 3 t-shirts from, and they arrive about a week ago. They’re fantastic! Very soft, they fit perfectly, and the designs are interesting and fun and cute. I plan to buy more later on, as I have a 10% off coupon from this purchase, so it’ll be nice.  :3


Anyone who has never gained weight rapidly wouldn’t understand how fucking terrible it is to go into your closet looking for something to wear, and discovering nothing in there fits anymore. You get out of the shower and go, hey, I’ll wear my favorite t-shirt, and you pull it on and even though it might have fit a bit snugly the week before, your arms are too big for the sleeves, and the shirt hugs your belly and makes you feel fat and unattractive and like it’s showing every single, tiny pit and fold and bulge on your body. It makes you feel ugly. It’s something I’m working on.


My roommate, Crobat, was employed at Kum & Go for several months, but the manager wasn’t giving her enough hours, the pay was low, and it was just generally a shitty job under a shitty manager. When she signed on, he promised her at least 40 hours a week, and when she left, she was getting maybe 30-ish. So, she applied to several places, and eventually she got a call back from Domino’s Pizza! And now she is a manager at a Domino’s, and the best part (for me) is that she gets 50% off all food items. What’s even better is that the Walgreens store I work at is a block away from her store, so when I’m off work, I can come over to Domino’s, grab a cheap, delicious pizza, and hang out on my phone or my laptop. She usually closes, and I usually work evening shifts, so it’s pretty decent. I usually work 5-10, and she’s often 5-12:30 or 4-12:30, so I don’t usually have to spend a ton of time waiting to go home.


Today, Crobat opens the store, so I had to get up at 7 AM and now I’ve gotta wait here until my shift starts at 5 PM, and I’m off at 10 PM, so it’s gonna be a long day here. I brought my laptop, at least, and I put an extra blanket in the car so I can lie down and take a nap there if I need.


Crobat and I have been doing pretty well. She found a fancy 46″ flat screen TV at Goodwill for $100, so she snagged it and we’ve now got a nice big TV in the living room, which is functional now! Ever since R moved out, we cleared the house of his crap, threw it away, and we worked on getting the house looking nice and being functional. We have a big couch and a decent chair and ottoman in there, a TV stand for the TV, an Amazon Fire stick for watching Netflix, Hulu, and Youtube, and a mini fridge just for soda. The mini fridge isn’t necessary, obviously, but it was a gift from Crobat’s father, and we figure it works just fine in the living room as a soda-only fridge.


I also have food stamps now, so that puts a lot of money back in my pocket each month ($125, to be precise). I still eat fast food, but I try to eat a little less lately, because I’m fully aware that I eat when I’m bored!



This month, since I have so much extra, unexpected cash, I’ve bought several fun things. I bought a Snapback (Peridot from SU themed, black base, bright green brim and trim, the word CLOD across the front in white), a fancy custom collar (from, the t-shirts from, and some tights from So, now I have some clothes that fit, and a few fun things that I’ve been wanting really badly but couldn’t afford. Treat yo self, and all.  :3


That’s about it for today, I suppose. <:  Next post coming….whenever I get around to it.  ;3